It's Anthony Bourdain! And he's brought a black dairy cow and many bottles of eggnog with him.
We all get drunk on the eggnog (which is Anthony Bourdain Brand Bacon-Flavored eggnog and somewhat surprisingly good) and build a big fire in the center of the room. I try to talk Bourdain into letting us kill the cow with machetes and eat it, Apocalypse Now-style, but he won't let us.
The next day, my friends and I wake up with massive eggnog hangovers. There's no trace of a fire, or of Bourdain and his cow, but there are empty eggnog bottles and cowshit everywhere